Hi,

One of the things I’ve thought about my entire career (and still think about to this day) is the idea of networking. How people build relationships with others, how I can build my own network, and how those relationships evolve over time.

While I’m proud of the relationships I’ve built in the industry, sometimes I feel as if they’re not as deep as I want them to be 10+ years into my career. That they should be wider and more vertical - relationships with those higher up. Whether or not that’s right or wrong, relationship building is still something I continue to think about and navigate.

I thought it might be helpful to share a quick “networking 101” for those new to the industry and also a reminder for those established.

Let’s explore below.

Let’s dive in ⬇️

Networking horizontally

One of the biggest misconceptions I see (especially those who are early in their careers) is the idea that they should only be networking vertically. They become consumed with the idea of only trying to build relationships with people in higher positions than them and actually forget about their peers who are lateral.

The important thing to keep in mind is that your peers now will eventually grow and advance in their careers. The assistant you're working with now might be running a label in ten years. The artist who can barely fill a room today might be headlining arenas down the road. The random manager you met at a networking event might go on to represent an A-List superstar.

When I think back…some of my own most valuable relationships started when we were early in our careers. Myself and those people came up together and watched each other grow. As a result, it created a bond that you can't manufacture later.

The people lateral to you right now are your future network.

Don't only invest in people who can help you today. Invest in people you believe in - the ROI on that ends up playing out over decades.

The pyschology of connection

Not to sound nerdy, but this stuff is fascinating to me lol. How do you actually build deep, meaningful relationships with people when everyone is “networking”?

Here's what I’ve learned:

Shared experience > shared interests

Sharing experiences with people is way more powerful than just sharing conversation. While going out for dinner or grabbing coffee can be effective (and is the right thing to do in some cases), you can actually build deeper connections by sharing experiences and doing activities, especially if they’re non-music.

For example, inviting someone to an event or activity - inviting them to a sporting event, an activity, playing a sport, a party, etc. Your brain ends up associating the positive experiences of that event with that person.

There's actual psychology behind this - it's called the "proximity effect" and "shared activity bonding." Shared experiences create memories. Memories create stories. Stories become the foundation of a relationship. "Remember when we..." is the foundation for how a lot of deep relationships start.

This is why networking conferences can be tough. You’re doing the same thing as everyone else. There’s no pattern interrupt. However, imagine taking that person you really want to network and inviting them to a basketball game. Or a hockey game. Or a workout class.

When I think about some of my closest relationships in music, it’s people I actually hang out with or do activites with. For example, a few weeks ago some of my peers and I played pickleball down in Florida and grabbed food after. I immediately felt closer to them than if we just met for coffee or over dinner.

This is especially a great tactic when you are trying to network vertically with that high status person. They are likely busy and meeting lots of people - creating meaningful experiences like this can help separate you and build a lasting impression.

Consistency compounds

One great conversation doesn't make a relationship…showing up over time does.

I hate to say it, but this is one that I struggle with…relationships take a lot of effort and time. You have to keep showing up…over and over and over.

Not just when you need something or when it's convenient. Even when there’s nothing to “gain” and it’s simply just checking in or showing love. This goes over months and years.

This can be comment on their stuff on social media. Texting them when you think of them. Remembering details from past conversations. Showing up to things they invite you to. All of these things add up.

A lot of people are inconsistent in that they pop in and out. They reach out once, then disappear.

The tactical stuff (that actually matters)

Small groups > big rooms

You'll build more real relationships at a dinner with 6 people than a conference with 600.

The goal isn't always to meet more people. It's actually connecting with just a few and building meaningful relationships.

When you do go to bigger events, you can find the smaller moments within them. The afterparty. The random conversation in the corner. That can make things easier in a dense environment.

Create the context yourself

Don't wait to be invited to things. Create them.

Host a dinner. Organize a group to go to a show. Start a regular pickup game. Build a group chat that actually has good conversation.

When you're the one creating the context, you're at the center of the network by default. And you're giving people something they actually want - belonging.

One thing I’ve learned (and this isn’t a bad thing) but most people don’t want to have to think about things. They just want to be told where to show up, what time, and keep things easy. Being the person who plans things can help do that.

Follow up with specificity

Generic follow-ups get ignored and specific ones get remembered.

For example - not: "Great meeting you, let's stay in touch!"

But: "That thing you said about X completely changed how I'm thinking about Y."

Reference something real and prove you were actually listening.

Remember details

People tell you things about their lives. Their partner's name. Their kid's age. The trip they're excited about. The thing they're stressed about.

Write it down if you have to. And bring it up next time.

"How was that trip to XYZ?" "Did your daughter's recital go well?"

This is so rare that people are almost startled when you do it. It shows you were paying attention. It shows they mattered. I have a running Notes app where I try and write this stuff down - I don’t always remember but when I do, people are blown away by it.

The hidden dynamic of "networking up"

Yes, you should build relationships with people further along than you but…not because they can "do something for you."

Because you become like the people you spend the most time with.

If you want to think bigger, you need to be around people who think bigger. If you want to raise your standards, you need to be around people with higher standards.

The value isn't the introduction they might give you. It's the way being around them changes how you see yourself and what you think is possible.

Don't be sycophantic or transactional, just be genuinely interested. Ask good questions. And actually listen.

The dynamic becomes peer-to-peer faster than you'd think.

What people get wrong

The "provide value" trap

Everyone says to "provide value" but most people interpret this as doing favors transactionally. "I'll do this so they'll owe me."

People can feel that.

Genuine usefulness comes from actually caring about someone's success. You share their work because you genuinely want them to win or make an introduction because you think it'll actually help them.

The energy is completely different than doing something for the sake of the favor being owed.

Treating people like rungs

Some people network like they're climbing a ladder, where every relationship is about who can get them to the next level.

This works in the short term but actually destroys your reputation in the long term.

Industries are small. People talk. The person you used and discarded will remember.

Play long-term games with long-term people.

All work, no life

If every conversation you have is about the industry, you're doing it wrong.

The best relationships are with whole people, not just professionals. You know about their family. Their hobbies. Their random interests. What they're excited about outside of work.

Hopefully this was helpful on your journey.

Thanks for reading, until next time.

_{The Vault}

 1) Emergent - my cousin actually introduced me to this one! It’s similiar to Lovable, a platform that can be used for building web applications with AI but Emergent has more integrations. For example, it recently just integrated with Claude Sonnet 4.5 More info HERE